So many things are happening lately I can't even catch up with my won thoughts ... so I won't bother discussing them here... they mostly have to do with real life anyway and I rather keep that to a minimum here...

Although this morning I managed to stumble over my own tongue (charming!) when I accidentally fell into a theological argument stuck between a christian and a pagan (never a good thing) who thought that involving the only Jew within the school premises will resolve the issue of whether it is right to view divinity as above humanity or as part of it... trying to escape this I blurted my view that they are both COCKS although what I ACTUALLY said is: "you are asking the wrong Jew - I don't actually believe in god".

To which I got the answer (in stereo) - "life must be so dull for you - how can you appreciate nature and art without a belief in god".

¬_¬


So I said (and oh lord in heaven (who doesn't exist by the way) how I wish I didn't!) :

"IF I HAD A PENNY FOR EVERY TIME I HEARD THIS CLICHE... well...a actually if I only got a penny for every time I head this cliche I would have less than a tenner... which isn't really much considering how ANNOYING this cliche is... well... I guess I could buy a hard-back novel with this cliche... actually ... no I couldn't... even Waterstones charge £12 for a hard-back and this cliche didn't quite reach £10... so I can't even buy Ricardo Pinto's latest novel with it... that sucks! THIS CLICHE IS USELESS!!! aaaah... yeah... where were we?" And I made this face ---> ^^;;.


;_;


I am so embarrassing I can't look at myself in the mirror sometimes...

Actually BOLLOCKS to it all - YES I CAN!!! I look fabulous so screw that!

Speaking of screwing:

I finished reading THE LONELY EGOTIST by Hikaru Masaki which I got from Amazon for free... thankyou very much Amazon. I love you now ... and will continue to do so until next time you screw up and NOT in my favor - you may continue sending me free books if you want - I really don't mind :D:D:D

I think this pleasant blunder is the result of the publisher pulling this novel off the printers. I was desperate to get my hands on it so I can figure out just WHY they would do that. Amazon promptly removed it from my shopping cart and refunded me since it was apparently out of stock FOREVER ... only suddenly it is in stock again and they decided to send me a copy and not charge me. It was amusing for a while to see how the news affected sellers' arses - so many of them suddenly upped the price to $888 - NOT WORTH IT AT ALL by the way... not even with all the Masara Minase illustrations.

I would send you all to get a second hand copy from JPQueen but they are hit by the global BLECH and areshutting shop (I was going to cry about it - then decided I can wait few years and when the hard times pass - SOMEONE in Japan will start selling retro-manga to hairy Foreign Fangirls again... in the meantime... it isn't as if there aren't a million other things I want to buy XD).

So anyway - I didn't think much of the book but at least the illustrations are worth it - especially the cover:




Mmmmm... bendy Uke is bendy ^_^.

I am not going to talk about this much because... well... I talked enough about Cliches today ^^;;. It is basically a tale about a Seme who owns a chain of Love Hotels and he hires an Interior designer who just happened to be an Uke and then ... ahhh... he ends up... Designing the Interior of said Uke ... through his butt... just saying because the euphemism might be a bit obscure to some of you ... ^^;;.

I was amused with the whole:

Seme: "let me show you a hotel room - this is the floor, here is a lamp, here is a bed, this is my cock *rapes*"

Uke: "ummm... what just happened here?"

To illustrate how reluctant the Uke is - here is the colour insert:




As you can see - HE IS REALLY STRUGGLING!!! ("let me go" demanded the Uke and jumped into the Seme pants!)

Then there is this image from the end:




In which the Uke discovers his Seme has a third nipple.

At the beginning I was confused so I took a pencil and a ruler from my son's pencil case (you think I wouldn't? you don't know me at all!!!) and drew a line from the Uke eyes to where his gaze appear to be stopping because I was sure he is looking at his cock - but I figured - If that was the size of the Seme cock ... well.. first of all I would be impressed ... but besides that - I would have thought the Uke would, like , BOLT and run... run as fast as his uke feet can carry him... run to the hills of YaoiLand and hide in a cave...

Then again - the author admits that she thinks her characters are stupid so maybe the Uke couldn't quite understand what he was seeing... or maybe he was concussed after walking into one of the walls he designed...

Also - considering how penises are invisible in YaoiLand... he must have infra red eyes or something to actually get a visual on this mega-cock... or maybe it glows... in which case he might have just confused his Seme for a Jedi and thought: "waistbands of pants are a really risky place to keep a light-saber!"

I have no idea - it is a mystery!

YaoiLand is a place of mystery, just like an Uke's pert behind - which is why Seme's are so desperate to plunge it repeatedly - the answer to life, universe and the totality of existence must lie within!

OK - I had enough - I am going now. Muffins for breakfast I think...mmmm... HEALTHY!!! XD

And I know the title doesn't make much sense at the moment. So let me just say that this is not my regular rape of the English tongue... OK... it IS my regular rape of the English tongue (English tongue wanted it really... if it didn't IT SHOULDN'T HAVE TAKEN OFF ITS CLOTHES AND SAT NAKED ON MY INVISICOCK!!!). It is in fact a simple review of THE GUILTY volume 1 - VERDICT by Katsura Izumi, illustrated by Hinako Takanaga:

A Yaoi novel I enjoyed despite my supreme effort NOT TO. I tried, oh how I tried but my own love of cliches, repetitive use of a single word and squelchy sound effects got the better of me.




Let me first note that the translation is actually decent which is something I am not used to see from the direction of JUNE. Thumbs up to that at least - I hope they keep this one - she knows what she is doing. If there were any fuck-ups they didn't interfere with the flow of the... ahem... plot... cough/choke/snort... yeah... it was smooth sailing on the trashy waves of smut and can be partly an explanation why it worked for me...

I am not a fussy lady when I visit Yaoi Land. Realism is not a requirement... in fact I chuck it in the rubbish before I go to reclaim my suitcase (which is packed with lacy aprons, wipped cream, hand-cuffs and lube... if you really need to know! You didn't... oh... ^^;;).

But let us move on with this SPOILERIFIC account of the publishing industry. Because this is where it is set, or tried to be set because editing and writing prose is not the focal point of this novel. It focuses a lot on the "puckered bud" and the "hot folds" of a certain Uke Anatomy... yes... HIS LEFT EAR OF COURSE!!! (if that what they call a butt-hole in YaoiLand).

Lets us begin:

Designated Uke: Toya Sakurai - a handsome fluffy editor of Detective novels. One fiance, a full bookshelf of the novels of his favorite author and a bagful of SELF DENIAL.

Designated Seme: Kai Hodaka. Rakish yet reclusive author of detective novels, admired throughout the land, mostly by women but even more mostly by Toya Sakurai who became an editor just on the off chance he would get to correct Kai Hodaka's spelling mistakes (PHUWAR!).

Nothing to do with his oh-so-sexy voice his dashing good looks and his mighty cock! Of course this is the begining of the story, we are at an office, Toya has just recieved a phonecall from Hodaka and heard his voice for the first time and even though he read each one of his twenty books a million times over - this is the first time he actually LOOKED at his picture on the dust jacket.

So he doesn't know about his mighty cock yet - but this would change, naturally. Right now he keeps swooning and thinking about how his fiance would be swooning if she heard his voice and saw his picture... so really he is swooning for HER. As dutiful husbands to be do out of a sense of duty.

It gets worse when he accidentally get his hair cought in the buttons of said gorgous literary figure of tall, husky manliness. Difficult thing to do you think. NOT IN YAOILAND. It is a common things for Ukes in a state of self denial to do. They just stumble over their own feet and snag themselves in the nearest Seme button or zipper. This gives Toya plenty of time to rub some Uke Pheromon on our choice seme whilst contemplating how much more sexy his voice and his looks are when one's hair is conveniently tangled in his jacket accessories.

And then to our utter shock and surprise, the former editor of Kai Hodaka falls off a cliff or suffers an attack of explosive amnesia (yes I watch a lot of FUTURAMA ... your point?) or elopes with a hipopotamus... whatever the reason. Toya is now dumed with being Hodaka's editor which makes him happy despite the rumours that Hodaka molests his editors regularly, both sexualy and a little more sexualy. Toya doesn't believe it because he loves his books so much and he is not in the least bit attracted to him. But he can see why his FIANCE would be so he swoons for her a little more.

It gets a bit more awkward when the mystery and detective department falls under pressure. They don't make enough money and the only way to stop them going into the minus is to publish a Kai Hodaka novel before the year ends... which is something Kai Hodaka doesn't want to do because ... he DOESN'T!

So off goes pretty fuzzy Toya to chit chat with him and convince him that he really REALLY want to change his mind. On the first visit to his plush pad - he gets some tea and an amiable conversation through which he swoons (for his fiance, of course... he is so considerate) and sent home without a manuscript. On his second visit he is told he would need something special to inspire him. So Toya takes him out to a walk in the campus of his old university where they ALMOST kiss. Toya puts down his palpitating heart to the admiration he feels towards his books. He momentarily thinks of his fiance here but he realises that kissing her never excited him HALF as much as ALMOST kissing Hodaka ... so he stops thinking about it and then NOT think about it all the way home and through the night and the next few working days.

he is begining to be exhausted from all this NOT thinking about Hodaka.

All this is panctuated quite nicely with listless dinners with his fiance and an occasional mention that he finds sex with her "all right" and he hopes he wouldn't have to shag her once they are married... which I will not snark about because it is actually the first time I come across a character in yaoi who the author clearly paints to be in the closet - usually they are raging heterosexual who trail a chain of boobacious women behind them before they discover fucking men is so much more fun.

My only claim is that this doesn't warm me up to his fiance. If my date behaved like this it would blow my gaydar ... and it gets WORSE as we go along and even though at one point she suspects him of having an affair it never ONCE crosses her mind to cancel the engagement and find someone whose cock is firmer and eager for her... ¬_¬.

Eventually there comes a meeting in which Hodaka poses a deal - they play pool. If Toya wins - he gets 20 pages of manuscript. If he looses - he is Hodaka's for the night.

Toya displays the mind boggling Uke-Cluelessness... he asumes that Hodaka means he would have to clean his kitchen or do some paperwork for him all night... no seriously - he is SUCH A FUCKING UKE!!! IT HURTS SOMETIMES!!!

Naturally Hodaka wipes the floor with him three times in a row and when Toya asks what he wants him to do he gets slightly confused when he is asked to take a shower and put on a bath robe... why would he need to be clean to file up some paper or clean the toilet...eh?

Thus starts a rather pleasant rape scene (that would be FORCEFUL SEDUCTION for the prudes) in which Toya finds himself tied with the bathrobe, splayed on the bed and fingered thoroughly till first spurting happened. This also introduces us to the author favorite words: "Stimulation" and "pleasure" - he is stimulated by the pleasure and the pleasure stimulates him and Hodaka stimulates his pleasure parts or bestows pleasure by stimulating him. SO MUCH PLEASURABLE STIMULATION! Eventually mighty cock comes-a-knocking on the puckered bud and enters the hot folds of his Ukes... ear... aahhh... and Uke comes again and again all night. Hodaka explains to him how much of a dirty whore he is. And at some point the stimulation and pleasure takes over him and he begs for more and more and MORE. next morning he can hardly walk and the only thing he can remember is Hodaka's humiliating words and how they made him spurt like a fountain of stimulation and pleasure!

Now Uke has to explain to himself how he actually enjoyed sex for the first time in his life (apparently he only faked with his fiance all these years) and how he ended up begging for it. So he decides it is all part of NORMAL business transaction... so what if his pride as a man is crushed (even though all his co-workers think he glows with languerous satisfaction "GO STUD UKE GO!") - it is all so the world will witness the glory of Kai Hodaka next book! He isn't CHEATING on his girlfriend as long as it is business and as long as he says "no... no... AH... NOOOO!" for five seconds.

His girlfriend is worried because now he COMPLETELY stops sleeping with her. Instead he is working all the time... which is apparently a euphemism for being stimulated and pleasured by Hodaka. He is SO humiliated he just HAVE to run off to Hodaka again and charge him for a second game of pool... his exuse is that he got better now because he read a book about it... he looses of course... not at all to his delight. He lamely protests but for a shorter time now. Hodakas dirty talk grows dirtier and he is teaching Toya to express his need in as filthy words as possible... honestly - those two are covering every possible expression in the YaoiLand Purple Prose dictionary XD.

Now he stops responding to girlfriend text messages which is WORSE than not having sex with her! He finds it hard to sleep, eat and concentrate. He puts it down to sexual harrassment but really all he does is day dream about how horrible Hodaka is to him, making him gag for it and not denying him all that pleasure and stimulation.

Since the loosing in pool on purpose strategy is begining to wear thin he decides to put effort into learning the game and asks his boss for some lesson. This actually pays off so Hodaka agrees to write 20 pages but he stimulates him with plearations again because he decides that Toya got good at pool by sucking his boss' cock. Jealous seme is stimulatious! How pleasuring!

The dirty talk is both amusing and ... ahhh... stimulating (sorry >_<;;) because it so clearly works well on the Uke who is now so sensitive the mere mentioning of the word "slut" make him ejaculate... with... err... pleasure (^^;;).

As time goes by he forget to meet his fiance for a bridal fair and neglects to even call her on the phone. The one time he ends up having dinner with her she asks if she can stay over. He suffers an attack of Vagina Panic and runs away telling her he forgot to edit a couple of books when he left the office and ends up in Hodaka's flat.

This time he just blatantly begs to be fucked hard from the minute he sets foot in his Seme's flat ... so Hodaka, being the filthy, kinky, dirty minded seme bastard - makes him do some filing... Toya practically pounce his mighty cock before all the paper go in the folder and eventually he is ordered to bend over the desk and stick his arse in the air (in these exact words) an they get down to some serious .... ummm.... office workout ^^;;. Which involves pleasure, hot folds, puckered buds and ... for a change... STIMuLATION!

Naturally Toya cannot escape the fact that he now fucks Hodaka for pleasure soooo... he decides to make it a PROPER business transaction. Uke logic at its best. 20 pages for every fuck! This way he can go on telling himself he is not REALLY cheating on his fiance.

SELF DENIAL IS CLEARLY A RIVER IN YAOILAND!!!

Hodaka complains that this way Toya comes out a winner either way but being a seme he cannot withstand the power of the hot folds of his Uke's puckered bud.

This goes on and on with an occasional bout of fever (Ukes get those so the Seme can show them their gentle side by cooking them poridge!) in which they actually kiss for the first time. Toya doesn't want to think about this as love so he sets a date for his wedding and avoids his future wife even more. He is taken with bouts of Uke angst now that makes him thinner, paler and far more attractive. He pushes away the realisation that once the novel is finished he would have to stop being fucked by Hodaka and by "pushing away" we means HE THINKS ABOUT IT DAY AND NIGHT... and then angst some more and grows more attractive... it is the circle of yaoi existence really.

His mum calls him at one point to tell him off so he shouts at her and then in a huff also shouts at Hodaka who then gets annoyed because he didn't get his eager Uke sprawling all over him. Toya is doing his very best (which isn't very good) to avoid Hodaka and finds out that he is the inspiration for the novel which is all about a man in sexual denial who ends up betraying his woman buy endlessly having sex with his male lover...

Toya is SO furious he decides to ditch Hodaka and dump him on another editor. He refused to talk to him and he makes contact with his future wife who has turned into full blown DOORMAT and is oogling him adoringly despite the fact he is boring her. They spend lots of time together, mostly in restaurants where Toya can't find interest in the food... and he still denies her sex... AND SHE STILL THINKS IT IS OK!!!

Then on yet another briadal fair Toya bumps into Hodaka. Thoughts of recent rumours about him being seem with famous actress cross Toya's jealous mind but are brushed away by Hodaka's tongue sneaking deep into his mouth and throat in a random phonebooth he found himself dragged into. Considering how Ukes find themselves dragged into far stranger places - this is quite standard. Toya asks him if he can have his heart as well as his ... hahah...pleasure and stimulation (couldn't resist ^^) and Hodaka says that SURE - but that is such a simple and cheap request. Toya takes it TOTALLY the wrong way runs off to the toilent in a haze of attractive angst, swears never to see Hodaka ever again neverneverNEVER!

And then goes off and breaks off the engagement!

FREE AT LAST! Yet not of Self Denial.

Uke resumes life as editor until he finds out that Kai Hodaka Seme in Angsting has finished writing his book but refuses to hand it over until Toya Sakurai Uke in Waiting will come to collect it in person... oh and he is playng hide and seek so Toya has to use his Seme Scent Detector (All Ukes are equipt with one) and find him... since he has two houses and he is not in the first one - it takes Uke about a page to find him snoozing in a sexy seme sprawl in a gazebo of his ancesstral home.

He wakes him with a kiss they confess their love and have wonderful sex full of pleasure and stimulation and then Toya ends up having another fever so they have more sex and more pleasure and more stimulation followed by some eating of too many apples and the book finishes with them swearing to have a lot more sex (pleasurable and stimulating) and eat a lot less apples (which are not so pleasurable nor stimulating).


YES! I enjoyed it a lot as usual for the bad points as well for the good. I liked how clearly in denial the author made the Uke. I liked how eager he bacame and that the focal point was (his arse as we mentioned but...) his guilt at his own sexual awakening rather than the harsh ministrations of the seme... which he admitts stimulates and pleasures him (Hee hee... no! I DON'T WANT TO STOP! STOP ASKING!!! :D:D:D). I generally prefer yaoi with mature men even if they DO behave immaturely.

So it was fun, puckered bud, hot flesh, pleasure and stimulation. On to the next volume of this series to see how long the author can stretch this !

Stimulatious Pleasurations to you and good day ^_^.

Anyone who follow me on twitter for some unknown reason should have seen this coming. I finally figured out that the reason to twit is to spill my yaoi woes on the few unlucky followers who agree to suffer my annoyance of certain buttsecks fodders.

And today was the day I spewed forth my disappointment of the finale of Saki Aida's S series. The cover and art by Naru Chihara still makes the book worth every penny and more so here goes the cover:



and as usuall: CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS!!!!

If any of you actually noticed - I never reviewed the second and third volumes in the series because they where great but more in the vein of the FIRST VOLUME Which I believe I described as the exploits of the worst possible undercover cop and his Yakuza Spy Rough Loving Machine. I loved it for the reason some people hated it - it was rediculously unrealistic! And loved it for the reason other loved it - it was a filthy book that needs spanking and probably enjoys it!!!

I figured my initial review more or less sums up the entire series: no one is gay but they all love shagging men and they don't do the leaky uke routine of moping and angsting and sobbing and instead play with a lot of guns and get violent everywhere including bed... HUZZAH!

Volume 4 however somehow slips from the standard or lack thereof ...and HEY this is YAOI standard is not an absolute requirement when faced with hot man on man smex!

Still it was with a level of anticipation that I picked this volume up and was pleased when it picked up were the final volume left with Munechika wounded in hospital and Shiiba filled with rage and a possesion of an illegal gun is out to do murder upon Godou whome he is certain killed his sister and thus threw him into a lifelong bout of manly angsting and aloof Uke solitude (the oh so attractive: "I rely on no one unless I am in need to be taken up the arse!" attitude... because not even a Seme with a mighty cock can screw themselves!).

Disapointment kicked me in my invisinuts quite early on. Resigned undercover cop Siiba is facing Yakuza crazy person Godou with a buquet of flowers he used as a disguise and points a gun at him ... when he decides not to kill him and take his word that he didn't actually shoot his sister. The reason is the rather superflous mute gun making token girl who doesn't really do anything in this novel appart from moping over some dead bird and get pregnant at some convenient moment. She stands between Uke and Villain and thus Shiiba decides to do the docile thing and follow Godou to his secret mansion by the sea which is so secret only half the Yakuza world and two thirds of the police department know where it is.

I was somehow miffed by the lack of body injuries and scent of gunfire but anticipated some nasty sexual violence and maybe a session of humiliation and tough man on man dirty talking.

Instead all Godou (who is apparently a complete psycho because his mum shagged him until she got so pregnant he had to kill her) manages is to demand Shiiba kneel and kiss his shoe... which didn't even have dust on it!!! Like ... WOT???!!!

Oh and he forces Shiiba to dump Munechika because he figured that would hurt Munechika more than castration. He forces Shiiba to dump Munechika by handing Shiiba the phone and telling him to dump Munechika so Shiiba picks up the phone and dumps Munechika and that makes Munechika sad!

THEW END! (no not really!)

It gets worse when stressed little over-pierced half brother of Munechika (who we learned in previous books is stressed and over-pierced because Munechika ran away with his mum and then she commited suicide) shows up and kills the little bird the superflous token female mute gun maker is raising as a symbol to her inner gentleness ... which is only highlighted to express the conflict with her love of making killing tools... there is an underlying statement here about humanity being conflicted and contradictory transcending the boundaries of black and white to express itself consmically as a wholesome transient sencient entity...

I should be a critic - Yaoi is an ART FORM I tell ya!

Where was I ?

Oh yeah... I lost my place on the page at this stage because quite frankly - my mind wandered - it was BORING. Nothing happened. The walked on the bitch and drank some brandy and occasionally someone told someone else to fuck off because that is SUCH a yakuza thing to do...

¬_¬

There is a point though that stressed over-pierced brother takes Shiiba off for a bit of piercing which apparently hurts... nooooo really ... he gives him three ear piercing and Shiiba SQUIRMS PAINFULLY!!! OF EAR PIERCINGS!!!

Confession of a Lamasu: I have been pierced at various places in my life and didn't squirm... ESPECIALLY NOT THE FIVE EAR PIERCING I HAD!!!

I should have taken it for the sign of things to come - Shiiba is about to transform from hardy butch police dude to menstrual weepy uke!

And then... as if feeling his agony from his hospital bed - Munechika burst in a burly manner through the door and saves him from further body modification!

And this is where the novel REALLY disintegrate because now he confesses his love to his stressed over-pierced brother and his stressed and over-pierced brother burst into tears in his arms and then he goes away promissing to reform and be a little less stressed and maybe less pierced every now and again.

And then the love confessions spill from both Munechika and Shiiba who suddenly discover they are in volume 50 of some high school shoujo manga and it is time to stop glaring angstily at each other from across the class room and maybe have sex at last.

So they have sex and Shiiba - I SWEAR TO BLOODY GODDESS- Shiiba ... he actually ... he... he... ah... DEMURES!!! Fucking hell does he demures. He covers his face in shame and trembles... gone is the filthy kinky tough men bonking sweatily and angrily... enters fluffy Yakuza in lurv and weepy Uke- Detective.

There is one bit which some dirty talk makes a momentary appearance in which Shiiba begs Munechika to stick his hard big cock in him and pound him till his screams wake up all the dogs in the neighborhood (not in those words exactly - I had to embelish really... my eyes glazed I couldn't read properly and didn't feel I needed to re-read it for quoting purposes) ... but it is ruined when Saki Aida, who so far managed to deliver a fairly readable and flowing prose, had to explain that this was dirty talk and that dirty talk makes Munechika happy because he loves dirty talks especially when Shiiba....errr... talks dirty!

THE END! (no ... not really...).

The finale is actually quite satisfying but it really comes at the end of the book with people blowing factories up and shooting each other repeatadly in the guts and chest and puking blood and laughing maniacly and Godou confessing that he killed Shiiba's sister after all because he saw she was pregnant and pregnant ladies make him go psycho...

It would all be rather fun but it all falls into one final bubblegum mush when they are all in hospital - either injured or pregnant (no... sadly NOT Shiiba... that would have made the book interesting and I think I established that this book ISN'T!) or pregnant and injured (NOT SHIIBA I SAID!!!).

It is all a bit like those Arabic films I really REALLY love... but in this case there are no random belly-dancers which really put a damper on things. (Munechika could like, spray someone with bullets and then when they writhe in agony in pools of their own blood, Shiiba could bounce from behind a rose bush that suddenly blooms out in the middle of the gun factory, throw his clothes off to reveal sparkly two piece tussle skirt and shimmy to the tabla rythem the spare Yakuza men pull out of their pockets... whaaaaat? It isn't less realistic than the rest of the series! ¬_¬).

I could have enjoyed this useless instalment if not for how BAD the prose is and this time I am quite convinced that the translation didn't have a hand in this. One of the most irritating things is how something warm blossomed in Shiiba's hear, and chest, and breast. If it was Munechika's cock I would have been impressed but instead it is just his inner Shoujo girl. Happy whenever he lays eyes on his handsome Yakuza man strutting his stuff. SRSLY - I was concerned for the warm eruptions of various internal anatomies of said undercover weepy uke at some point... he is in his twenties and he is already having menopausal hot flashes ^^;;.

There is a constant trend to resort to quotation from previous books which could be annoying but in this case it saves the reader from book sporking. I was on the very edge of pulling out my rusty spork. Thus the highlight of this novel came when the two lovers exchanged romantic memories of the time Shiiba wanked himself before Munechika and the time he asked if Munechika wanted him to lick his Beretta to which Munechika informed him he has a Magnum... yes... this is how beautifully cheesy volume 1 was!!! >_<;;.

To be honest - it feels a bit like someone else wrote this novel... I would hazard a guess and say that maybe she got drunk in some Tokyo bar whereupon she stumbled drunkenly and fell on Yuu Watase and their brains switched... because you have to explain to me how Saki Aida writes something so droll and Yuu Watase seem to pull out all the uncompromising punches with SAKURA GARI...

Now excuse me - I think I will go and read Sakura Gari just to wash away the bitter taste of disappointment out of my mouth... maybe this would have been a lot less disapointing if I didn't enjoy the first three books so much... as it stands... MEH! At leas Nara Chiharu depiction of this mess still make me fluster... and oddly - I wish there WAS another book just to give Saki Aida a chance to redeem this disaster.

THE END! (this time for real ... REALLY!)

I decided to brave it and plunge in. I think mental preparations are helping this time because I am coping with the awful translation on top of the awful writing a lot better. Katze helps by being more of a presence because - really... he IS the most interesting character in the whole series and he was somewhat lacking with all of the social manifesto and clinical world building notes. It also helps that Iason and Rikki are finally at it like bunnies instead of crossing paths occasionally in the slums...

Speaking of bunnies...

My brain wandered when the stilted dialog and clunky prose rose to new levels of ... BAD... and it struck me that if ANYONE who is not familiar with Ai no Kusabi and doesn't know that Pets are human used for Voyeuristic sex sports and Furniture are humans running household tasks including looking after pets ... if someone like that opened the page where Iason orders a furniture to administer a blow job to his unrully pet as a punishment (how does that work again???) he would be assaulted by mental images of the sofa felating the dog... which I must say - isn't a particularly arousing picture ...

"Those yaoi fangirls are really sick... there... there was that book... and ... oh I can barely say it... there was this table... and it *sobs* ... And it took the humster up the arse!"

"I tell you. I am scared sitting in my armchair with no underwear these days! The fish looks at the tea table suspiciously as well... "

"OH MY GODDESS! DON'T LET THE CAT INTO THE STUDY! THE DESK CHAIR IS REALLY HORNY TODAY!!!"

Real life is a bit stressful. I opted for the less explosive option and went to see the head of my NHS clinic regarding the fuck-up with Gabriel's ear problems. He was really reasonable and we went over his notes. He almost instantly admitted there was a major malpractice and said he would discuss it with the rest of the doctors and re-asured me that HIS policy is that although the ear infection is 19 out of 20 times viral - if it doesn't go within a week - he likes to give antibiotics assuming some bacterial infection took over.

It also emerged that Gabriel had enlarged tonsils from the first time he went to see a doctor regarding this so the cause of the glue ear was probably a bacterial throat infection causing the ear canal to be blocked. Eventually when not treated it blew up into tonsillitis and THIS is why the antibiotics works like magic clearing the throat AND fixing the ear problem almost overnight. I should have been informed about this and wasn't and he was supposed to receive antibiotics the MINUTE it was obvious his throat wasn't clearing after a couple of weeks if not less.

I want to stay with this clinic so I was a little relieved to hear I will not be dismissed next time and I am happy I didn't file an official complaint because that would have just soiled the water. The issue is with ONE doctor - the other three are a lot more open to the ideas that mothers know their children best...

TODAY - is parents evening day and I am dreading it - seeing how the last one left me FUMING! Seeing how Gabriel missed so much school. Seeing how he was miserable and still is going there. I talked to his teacher a lot this term and she is actually very attentive. I realised I really like her as a person - whcih is why I dread falling out with her over something trivial like the Simpson Comics >_<;;.


Upwards and Onwards - need to send these Anime CDs to Kara today and this involves finding a stamp and a padded envelope ... a bit of a challenge when the house is in this state..

Better tidy up XD.

You know - I COULD subsist on a diet of Hetalia, Hetalia and .... errr.... HETALIA! But laughing for hours gives me a tummy ache so I needed something to make me cry for a different reason... just to bring balance into my life ^^;;

So...

I downloaded and read chapter 6 of SAKURA GARI from Watase's Sorai and I am still satisfied. It is just so twisted and dark and the ending of the chapter had me in tears (and also chewing on the sofa with the need to know what will happen next... damn! This cliff am hanging from is HIGH and the rope I was left dangling from is swinging like a pendulum... AND I SUFFER FROM BOTH VERTIGO AND BAD INNER EAR!!!@_@).

No spoilers. But I have to say that the first time I read Kether Malkhut by Sholomon Ibn Gabirol and came across the line : "I ran from you - to you!" I burst into tears... despite being written by a Rabbi - that is actually a Muslim concept (the poem was written in medeival spain hence the cross polination of cultural poetic sentiments) and to this day it takes my breath away and every time I come across it, either in the form of words or plot, I feel I might die from the beauty...

I almost died from the beauty today! (not convenient... I have to clean the lounge and do the hoovering before picking the big harling from school!).

I am still hoping for a devestating yet liberating tragedy to break my HEART... If Yuu Watase screws this one up she will be breaking my SOUL instead!




I am very enamoured with this couple right now. They embody everything I love in Yaoi Couples - they are utterly disfunctional. The balance of power in their relationship is WAAAAAY off (with Souma being trapped inside his twisted inner world to a point he can do nothing but ruin people and Masataka so out of his depth surrounded by all the madness and violence), they say all the wrong words and take all the wrong actions and just hurt, hurt, hurt! IT IS BEAUTIFUL!

If I knew them in real life I would slap them.... REALLY HARD!!!

But as a fiction their neurotic existence work to perfection.

The way they are storming their way to self destruction is nothing short of ... well...delicious! Souma methodically demolishing any hope of love from the only man who can redeem him and Masataka constant struggle against the betrayal of his own body as it reacts to the man he so desperatly wants to hate... it really is psychotic. The outward violence feels like a mirror reflection of the way these two tear each other and themselves to pieces.

Honestly - Zetsuai has nothing on this in both intensity and subtlety (I liked it at the time but the day a friend of mine decided there is no where to go for the two main characters but death by rampaging monkeys because they exhausted all the self mutilating and murderous ways to torture each other... I couldn't take it seriously any more!)... intensity and subtlety are a massive contradiction I know but I find it hard to find words to describe how well I think Yuu Watase is handling this... especially considering that this IS Yuu Watase... Gorgeous on images but narative often whilting half way through ...

I think we just passed the mid-point of the story so this is a record *fingers crossed - all body trembling in anticipation and ... enxiety...*

And y'know... I am not a fan of Japanese History... but the Taishou era snares me via my obssession with transitional periods in history... often overlooked but filled with cultural friction - they often make for best romance stories and this one is... so far... no exception.

What a shameless exploitation of my obscure fetishes... I am in heaven ^_^.

Ack - I am rambling incoherently again... but I love Souma and Masataka's suffering... it nourishes me in these frustrating days of minor irks (no sunlight, idiotic doctors and consoles taking their terminal breath!) I would feel guilty but then again... that is what Yaoi Angst is for - It is balm to the soul of the frantic housewife XD.

Helo. My name is Lamasu and I will be your guide through this yaoi novel. I chose this novel to give you spoiler by spoiler for more than one reason:

A) It is uber cliche. It combines more than one trope of the genre and you really won't be missing any massive twists by knowing the end.

B) It is not worth your time nor your money. If you are an obsessive collector of yaoi novels you can just buy it and put it on the shelf and look at the cover and pretty pictures.

C) I am saving your brain from the pain of going through a couple of the most annoying yaoi characters out there. The Seme is a bastard to unbelievable levels and the Uke is so dumb you could probably stick a dildo in his butt in the middle of a busy street and he would think he got stung by a bee.

D) I just read the damn thing and need to somehow purge it out of my system. Re telling it chapter by chapter might help XD.

I give you IMMORAL DARKNESS by Miya Matsuda and illustrated by Yukariko Jissoji - The Walkthrough:



And look I put it beneath a cut - because I am just THAT lovely ¬_¬.

( Cock + Butt - Lube = Penis Goes Where? )

And this is why you have earth quakes in Japan!

ZE ENDE!

I am going to shop for trousers now so I will spell check later... maybe... ^^;;.

And surprisingly - this is not a BJD related post. Some of you may heave a sigh of relief only to realise that this is yet another BL novel review ^^;;.

Even more suprising is the fact that I actually genuinely enjoyed this beyond my fondness for trash. There are only two previous BL novels in English I believe to be worth the fangirl money and those are BETTER THAN A DREAM which puts some effort into creating a melancholy atmosphere to mix with the hot sex and the delicious illustrations and S which didn't bother with anything and in fact, removed itself from any logic and just wallowed in its own gratuitous smut and violence and also came with delicious illustrations.

This one falls in between - it makes an effort of setting a mood yet conveniently removes the need for logic in favor of some hot sex and lovely melodramatic angst and YES - it comes with delicious illustrations. Plenty of them. My thumbs up for GENTLE CAGE by You Shizaki, illustrated by Kumiko Sasaki.




So let us take yet another tour of YaoiLand and its beautiful, BEAUTIFUL logic and natural laws.

Itsuki has Uke written all over him. He is soulful and obedient and he has very long hair. On paper he is a private secretary for a rich business man but in reality he is the business man's living doll. He is made to keep his hair long and look pretty whilst pretending very hard to do paperwork. Of course no one buys this act even though he really DOES try very hard. Everyone talk about how he sucks the boss off and that just makes him more soulful and angsty and long-haired. Because he doesn't suck off the boss, you see, he just let the boss dress him in expensive suits and pet his long hair.

So it is with surprise that he finds himself on assignment not involving hair petting, driving to the mountains with a conveniently impending snow blizzard on his heels. He is to knock on the door of reclusive sculptor Tokiwa and announced to him that the boss is dying and he is to inherit all that the boss own... which involves Itsuki of course... or does it?

Tokiwa is an artist - which in YaoiLand means he is not only reclusive but also sulky, not very talkative and above all - a chain-smoker!

Tokiwa and Itsuki had a romantic history which due to typical YaoiLand lack of communication ended up in separation a lonely mountain living and long hair secretarial duties. A lot of this novel is about the hair by the way. Bear with me.

Tokiwa moodily slams the door in Itsuki's face. Itsuki's car conveniently gets stuck in the sudden snow and as Ukes do in such situation, he goes to skulk by the river into which he conveniently fall and conveniently breaks both his legs. MARVELOUS!

Tokiwa has sharp Seme senses and eventually comes to the rescue at which point his car carries them through the blizzard to a random doctor who conveniently places both legs in a cast, conveniently not provide him with a proper wheel chair and conveniently forbids him to leave the house for two or so weeks and that house is of course the convenient house of Tokiwa the chain smoking sulky artist. Whilst there the storm grows worse cutting them off from the rest of the world even more conveniently - It is all so CONVENIENT!!! ^^;;

What takes place over the first half of the novel is a splendid tale of care-taking as Tokiwa takes it into his hands to nurse the wounded Itsuki back to health. This involves regular sessions of RAPING because Rape always heals an Uke bones faster. I highly recommend you try it the next time your Uke breaks a limb - it works wonders!

There is plenty of time between the daily rape and the chain smoking to do some past digging and we learn how Tokiwa and Itsuki met and how much they admire each other art (because Itsuki used to draw but gave it up so his hair can be petted) and couldn't really express this properly even though they practically lived in each other pants.

At some point Tokiwa gets a pair of scissors out and cuts off Itsuki's hair. This is a seminal point in the book surpassing even the snow storm and the broken legs and it makes for more silent angst then any of the raping did. Then there is a bit more rape just to make things nice and romantic... and really ... they ARE! Only in YaoiLand can you make this work - OH HOW I LOVE THEE YAOILAND! XD

With the melting snow and the loss of uke hair the book is now getting into the second part. Tokiwa comes over to see the boss just before his death and accepts his offer. Itsuki is rather lost now that his position is no longer needed. I like the final moments of the boss life and how his relationship with his man-doll is resolved and cleared. Will Tokiwa release him from his self imposed cage? Will he insists that Itsuki remain his property? Can one cram more rape now that the book is drawing to a close?

I shall leave some mysteries to the reader to unravel. After all - this is a pleasant enough book to read which isn't even too clanky in translation and is very pleasing to the eye and nourishing to a soul craving pretty boy angst and a little bit of forceful seduction... that is how we call Rape when wanky people from outside YaoiLand come in to blame us for being evil perverts...

Which really ... we ARE evil perverts ... but we like to pretend we aren't for the sake of wank avoidance which we never seem to manage to avoid no matter how much we try ... wanks loves the fangirl - THERE IS NO ESCAPE!

However - this was not about wank - this was about this book and it is pretty much lovely. I am glad to see some gems are making their way over with the trash after all ^_^.

Woah - I can't believe how long it has been since I plunged into the pulpish world of Yaoi BL novels. Well... lucky you ... or probably - NOT! I am back with a fresh pile of trash and on the top of it is LIKE A LOVE COMEDY by Aki Morimoto, Illustrated by Yutta Marumi. A book that have some love, no comedy and and endless amount of zzZZzzZZZ....

If there was an earthquake report anywhere in the world last night - that was probably me snoring till the earth shook. I rose occasionally from the depth of yaoi induced slumber (NOT post coital sadly) to try and grasp the corners of what pretended to be a plot. Honestly - I will be having a problem reviewing this because this book is so forgettable ... I think most of it escaped my brain AS I WAS READING!

But here is the attempt:




This is a novel about a half Japanese half American script writer. It is short and sadly - not snappy. He grew up in the US where he spent too much time watching TV shows and learning to be polite like all good Japanese are (the author is very specific about how polite Japanese people are and Americans - NEVER... she should go to Israel sometimes ¬_¬). Then he ends up landing a job as a script writer for some TV company and ends up making a lot of tea because he is the newest guy. Everyone is American but behaves very Japanese and talk remarkably odd and skewed English scattered here and there with slang that gone out of fashion ten years ago and only exist in the AI NO KUSABI novels but it is OK in those because they are set on a different planet. ^^;;

Then the studio decides to do some action series about a Japanese cop (I think... my mind was filled with zzZZzzZZZ buy this time) and since there are obviously no Japanese people living in America they have to go all the way to Japan and get an actor from there.

Said actor struts in looking a little bit like a pimp and bumps against young script writing guy who gets all frizzled. He is even more frizzled (yes I chose this word for the ZZ!) when he is chosen to be the one to show arrogant actor the ropes since he can speak Japanese and actor guy totally can't.

Scriptwriting guy ... who by rules of yaoi land shall be an Uke at some point being the shorter of the two... mouth him in Japanese about how little chance he has to make it in show business if he has an attitude (because we all know actors never EVER behave badly EVEEEEEER!!!)`and storms out Uke-like in his anger.

This is both the end of the friction between the two AND Seme actor inability to speak English. The next day instead of auditioning he is inviting everyone to a little conference. Apparently he has been up all night learning English and assembling a cinematic collage of his previous acting parts. He is impressing the director so much he gets the part. I have to admit I was quite impressed myself because - WOW speak about crash English course ... and doing it whilst splicing films... awesome fit of Seme multi-tasking!!!

Scriptwriting Uke is now charged with trying to come up with a script ... instead he goes off to bond with Seme actor.

They talk. No really - THEY TALK! ALL THE TIME! FOR THREE CHAPTERS! ABOUT TV SERIES! AND FOOD!

This is topping even the excessive and repetitive breakfast preparation of SWEET ADMIRATION... and written with even more clank and bad grammar, I kid you not.

They talk in the cafeteria and then move on to talk in a posh restaurant and they manage to exchange a couple of kisses in between. and then they talk some more. Apparently part of the fun of this novel is to try and spot which TV series they are referring too. But since they are all so DAMN OBVIOUS and I watched them all ... and I don't think they mentioned 24 so FUCK THEM! I wasn't interested ¬_¬.

I think there is a script written somewhere in there. Not sure. What's with all the inane talking that goes on.

Then the show fail - HUZZAH! and actor guy goes back to Japan - DOUBLE HUZZAH! and then he comes back... Oh... ok...not so very much HUZZAH there...

He comes back and they make love and take up independent Film making (and talk some more) and I guess they live happily ever after talking away but honestly - I can't give a damn. This is the most I ever NOT gave a damn about a BL novel. Honestly.

I just finished reading a heart tearing tale about 1940s comic book writers struggling with their homosexuality and the death of their loved ones in Teresienstadt, written in the most visceral, gritty and evokative way and I had to come off it with a no-plot and a dialogue like this:

"Do you hate me?"
"I love you of course."
"As long as you love me, then nothing else in this world matters."
Biwa felt his chest burn. I love you. I love you. I love you. He loved Yamato from the bottom of his heart.

So let me guess this - You LOVE him? Because I didn't get that the first time - Are you SURE you love him? CAN YOU PLEASE REPEAT THIS AGAIN???

And the fact that this is the chosen quote splashed across the first page (showing the two main men smexing in full colour) just goes to show that this is the BEST line in the book. Thankfully I slept through most of it but I think it damadge my brain by osmosis... be that a warning to you... Never fall asleep with inane BL in your lap ¬_¬.

And no - That is Not Yamato from Space Battleship Yamato (AKA Starblazers) ! If it was - he would have a bigger cock and Desslock will be taking him up the arse and I bet the TV rating for THAT would be much higher...

*snerks*

Lamasu - reading crap from the bottom of the trash-hip ... so you don't have to... signing out ;_;

I don't remember where the quote is from but it applies to this post quite perfectly.

Please people I beg you! DO NOT BUY THIS BOOK... not unless you enjoy really REALLY awful stuff because this takes AWFUL to a new level, redefines it and then then surpass even that in awfulness.

I have no idea why DMP/June keep bringing this crap over unless they consider shite addicts like me, who always considered themselves a bit of a niche market, to be a reasonably sized target audience.

But there you have it SLEEPING WITH MONEY by Barbara Katagiri, illustrated by Sakuya Fujii is a book that should probably be kept in the bathroom and not used for reading but, heh, I cringe and I laughed and in the end I actually enjoyed being horrified by its badness...



You know you are reading a really awful book when you come across the following on page 15:

"Just like what the DEAD SEA had done for Moses, the crowd parted to let him through..."

I have to consider the possibility that my enjoyment of this book after this point was due to the BRAIN DAMAGE I caused myself by bashing my head against the wall repeatedly for five minutes!

You will have to excuse me this because from that moment on my reading was haunted by this re-write of the EXODUS and images of people in Jordan waking up in the morning, looking out of the window and going: "WTF- Egypt!!!??? WHO PUT PYRAMIDS IN MY BACK-YARD???!!!"

But forget that - this is more or less the literary high point of the novel. Generally speaking what we have here is a collection of highly unlikable characters, thrown in in some highly unlikely situation in a highly unreasonable excuse for a plot with a highly forgettable and overly long sex scenes... mixed vigorously in a bag with ten spoons of WTF and clueless language... if you can call it that and then swallowed and spewed over some pages.

It really shouldn't be. I can't stress that enough. I feel so ashamed of the fun I had... well... no, no I don't. I just doubt anyone else can enjoy it at all.

So - We have Yakuza Uke who wears white suits and screams a lot. His vocabulary when not being force-smexed by the Seme is "Bastard!" , "You Bastard!" , "You... Bastard!", "What are you looking at, you Bastard?", and "Are you talking to me, You Bastard!"

His vocabulary when being force-smexed by the Uke is : "Y...You Bastard!", "mmmm... ngh... oh... You Bastard!" "Put it in already - You Bastard!" "I will kill you, mmm... ngh...oh... You Bastard" and occasionally, "I love you... You Bastard!"

Obviously Yakuza school put great emphasis on elocution lessons!

Generally speaking he runs around screaming a lot, smokes like a chimney get into stupid fights and occasionally starts a fire.

The Seme is this overly rich person in a suit who ever since beating the Uke at tennis at school can't take him out of his mind. He isn't remarkable in any way being the typical successful business man type with sharp suit, sleek hair and an readily available means of tying Ukes up.

Uke also have an assistant who constantly tells him how much in love he is with his beautiful boss and gets bashed around the head and roll on the floor in agony quite often.

It is hard time for the Yakuza and our Uke is charged with getting 10 million out of old men or he looses his finger. Said old man drench him with water every time he walks in and tough Yakuza Uke only response is to scream "I'll get you some day - You Bastard!" and storm out of the the factory... really efficient organized crime technique apparently.

In desperation he turns to a pub and gets plastered with the Seme who materializes by his side and offers him the money... in return for his body. Uke refuses for five seconds then end up tied up on the Uke bed and the horizontal foxtrot lesson begins.

After that the Seme continues to take his body as interest for the loan and the Uke boss, seeing how successful he was in getting the money, charges him in getting another 10 million from the old man AGAIN. This time The Uke AND the Seme get drenched with water and then the helpful love sick monkey assistant gets drunk in the factory and burns it down by mistake.

Uke suddenly remembering how the old man helped him once when he was a juvenile delinquent rushes to save him from the raging inferno and conveniently faints mumbling all along his unconsciousness words along the lines of how much he loves being regularly buggered by the Seme... punctuated with the occasional "You Bastard!"

Seme predictably saves him from the flame. The old men was apparently on holiday at the time so he is ok... but the big Yakuza boss is really ashamed to see one of his gang being rescued by a Salaryman on TV. Instead of cutting all his fingers, his head and his cock - he banishes him from the Yakuza in a huffy telephone call.

devastated Uke ends up doing exactly the same as he did before but this time he works legally for the Seme and wears a GREY suit of high quality. On his birthday the Seme buys him a rolex and makes him business cards.

These turn out to be a problem when an old rival from which he needs to legally extort 300 million this time, get hold of the card and threaten to expose his criminal past and accuse him of trespassing and starting a fight... this would put his Seme in an awkward position... which will mean he won't be able to use his body again... which scares the Uke ...

So whilst the rival offers him a job, keeps one of his business cards hostage and gives him a day to decide. Uke goes and dumps the Seme... which only gets the Seme angry and he smex him all night without making him cum... apparently pinching one's penis stops one from ejaculating yet keeps the pleasure levels at torturous maximum (OMG-ess! If I ever write Roman Gay Porn - TORTUROUS MAXIMUM is totally going to be the name of the main man!!!).

To cut a short story long...errr.... yeah... Uke goes back to rival, rival smacks him around a bit. Seme rides to the rescue and silly monkey assistant rides on his heels. It turns out that Rival is really in love with monkey assistant and is just grumpy because he goes all sparkly eyes for the Uke... he says sorry, hands out the 300 million he just kept in his pocket (or something like that - I wasn't paying that much attention), and everyone throws money in the air and smex happily ever after.

BUWAHAH! Was this horrible or WOT???

The amusement derived from this gave me a dreadful headache... so I will probably not read it again... judging from my latest adventure in Yaoi Land - many more of this ilk will stream my way... and I shall digest them and report as they drop like turds through my letter box...

This is it for now. I have to wait until amazon.co.uk sell more of them before I can do this trash marathon again... but I am sure it won't be long before I can resume this mission!

Lamasu - STILL reading crap from the bottom of the trash pile - SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!

Signing out... -__-;; ...

Before we embark on the journey into the first yaoi novel in English I actually ENJOYED (wow! It happened) I would like to explain something about the nature of the Lamasu.

The Lamasu is a female creature who lives by the rule of : "I LIVE therefore I snark" and " I LOVE therefore I snark EVEN MORE!" It is sometimes difficult to tell wether the Lamasu loves something enough to molest in the dark or hate enough to poke repeatadly in the eyes with a spork. Truth to be told the Lamasu herself is often confuse because she tend to enjoy stuff that is REALLY bad and get bored with stuff that is sheer quality... the boundaries blend, mix and congeal into something murky, gooey and ... ewww... WRONG METAPHOR! @_@... due to her inability to set rules to her preferences - when you meet her IRL she often have a lost and confused look in her eyes which makes some people make the mistake of thinking she is a helpless victim... until she bites their heads off...

See? A creature of internal and external contradictions - don't try to understand to much because if you ask me ... I won't be able to explain to you. I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF!!! ;_;

So I am making this clear right now: I truly love Saki Aida She spins an insane yarn of Yaoi Logic and Unbelievability and she does so with a filthy mind. This is vastly help by the positively drool-worthy abilities of Nara Chiharu... which won't come as a surprise to any yaoi fan out there. This book is dirty! Dirty ! DIRTY! I want to spank it! I KNOW IT WILL LOVE IT!!! :D:D:D



Before I go on the usual warning of SPOILERS AHOY! Don't run crying to your momma that Lamasu spoil your porn because your momma will just have a heart attack realizing what dirty, filthy smut you are reading!

OK - so the opinions on this one are divided - most love it and I am ashamed to say that I have to join their rank this time but some don't. I can see why some people don't because this is a bit confusing. It pretends to be a rough and gritty tale of Yakuza and under-cover cops... but really it gratuitously throws all realism to the wind and applies YaoiLogic to the cracks... which if you are sensitive to will just not be enough to suspend your disbelief...

Thankfully I had no trouble but as always I couldn't shut down the cynical eye (it is just like the third eye - only it is set in one's arse!).

Ready? Here we go!

Once upon a Tokyo there lived an undercover cop by the name of Shiiba. Shiiba has an S. An S is a typical literary mechanism of shrinking a word into a single letter to make is sound more cool. In this case the S is nothing more than an informant or a SPY. An inside contact in an organization of bad guys who do bad business and are generally bad news.

Shiiba need his S a lot probably because as undercover investigations go - he is utterly... well.. crap! He would meet up with some Yakuza bruiser in their headquarters and then head off directly into police headquarters in broad day light not even checking if he is being followed. He resides at his usual address and when a tough guy from the Chinese mafia gives him a statue as a present he doesn't check to see if it is bugged... which it is of course... well...DUH! He does this stuff ALL the time. His under cover techniques make Salman Rushdi public "hiding" seem positively STEALTHY! XD

When he gets a warning about his S he ignores it. He is too busy being at the police station three times a day and meeting the head of some police organization in some popular public cafe to pay heed to a lead. And so his lead (who by the way make puppy eyes at him whenever they meet... because Shiiba lives in YaoiLand and that makes him instatnly BISH) gets shot in the back and dies.

Not knowing where to turn because an undercover cop no matter how street wise, cannot single handedly infiltrate an organization of criminal activities ("which might be against the law!" as put by the Robot Mafia), he turns to look for another S.

The only presentable option is VERY presentable as it happens and comes in butch Yakuza seme shape! Yakuza tough guy Munechika had dealings with Shiiba in the past and in fact shown some considerable interest in him... smoldering gazes through elevator doors and all that stuff (Aida Saki knows how to build the sexual tension I tell ya ^_^).

Approaching him for information Munechika gets Shiiba to toss off in front of him with the aid of some dirty talk. Honestly this is one of the best masturbation scenes I read in year... and Shiiba takes the humiliation as a man. You have to admire him - THIS Uke is not leaky!

He gives him a lead about the Chinese mafia and government involvement which isn't probed too deeply... which is a shame because this is a yaoi novel and probing is more or less part and parcel of the whole smexy thing... it just that this is not some conspiracy book, it is a book about tough guys getting it on and they DO trust me. In perfect filthy purple prose - OY! I creamed me pants - I had some lovely yaoi fangirl moments during this reading ^^;;.

But before the negotiation to Munechika's services can be bargained with Shiiba's butt our under cover dick (quite literally) goes on a stalking mission trying to spy on his Seme who spots him instantly (those undercover skills are only there to get you under the Seme aparently)- invites him to his flat for a mutual blow job, some beer and some confrontational manly chest beating in which Munechika swears he is straight and Siiba swears he hates him... which if you look in the Yaoi-English dictionary means : "I like to fuck men" and "Get into my pants now before I PUSH you there!"

This continues. Shiiba gets his info by constantly lending a helpful arse. Munechika constantly harasses him in his forceful yet kindly quality all Yakuza thugs posses (rules for joining Yaoi Land Mafia - look good in a suit... actually that is it... being kindly under the facade of roughness is helpful... but only if you look good in a suit!)

It all gets to a head (yeah lets see how many blow-job references I can squeeze in without even trying!) when he neglects to check a bugged incense burner given to him by a gun runner he was warned over and over not to approach. Talking to his fellow police officer on the phone next to it detailing his entire plan - he then gets drugged and splayed over a bed and narrowly escapes vicious rape when his Seme strolls in on him (butt stuck up in the air with a dildo half poking out of it - Ah what a poetic vision that makes!) and snags him in a rug all the way to his home where they finally confess their feelings... by having a fight... being manly men... and then have a nicely detailed and lengthy smex with ferocious pounding and spurting fountains of cum thrown in... WOOHOO!

And you know, with all this smex no one ever does the: "No! Stop! Let me go!" and "Shut up! You are mine now!" cliche.

Naturally after this orgasmic experience Munechika agrees to S for Shiiba and this is a beginning of a beautiful friendship!

It isn't that I didn't wonder how an under-cover cop could walk around broadcasting his true identity in the midst of crime-land or how after every criminal in town was already aware of his identity a major Yakuza boss would want to be seen with him without arousing suspicions amongst fellow gangster... it just that... it was good enough for me not to care!

I was quite pleased with how this was paced. The action was well paced, the BED action was highly smutty and filled with friction both phisical and emotional. No body whimpered like a girl and it dripped in the info about the characters past in isolated memories or conversation. It felt like something written as a pure fantasy but something that had effort and skill put into (translation clanks in places and the typos made my eyes bleed in places - honestly - editors! DO SOMETHING!!!). Saki Aida men behave like MEN and I don't mean just the manliness of waving a gun around and flexing cocks... because I did these things (yes - are you suggesting my invisicock isn't real???) and I am a girl, but mostly by the way they find communication and emotional expression to be awkward. No gushing declarations of love thankyouverymuch. Just hard sweaty steamy sex.

I am mightily pleased by the author ability to express emotions through smut - that is what makes good erotica... not that bad erotica is... errr... bad... it just... ummm... is? *sweat-drop* >_<;;.

Now I want DEADLOCK to be translated (Pretty Boy Prison linkie given in entry yesterday) because it is even more preposterous and insanely PAINFULLY gorgeous.

But this one is doing nicely too... Exciting stuff - bring on volumes 2 and 3!!! :D:D:D