Yesterday was laundry day and laundry day is mayhem and chaos... mayhem because the chibi LURVS throwing himself on top of the dirty clothes pile (EWWWW!) or running off with some smelly sock or pulling the clean and damp towels off the radiators... Chaos? Well... I think the very fact I hang my washing on the radiators suggests the state of my house. I HATE - hanging laundry outside. It feels like I am exposing myself to the whole world. I constantly look out of the window to see it is all there, that it didn't blow out in the wind, that no one ran off with my favorite pillow cases... you name it - it turns me into a NERVOUS WRECK!

Add to that the fact that the weather in this part of the country is even more unpredictable than the rest of the island (West Country weather... June is warm and fickle like a moist he-whore from a cheap brothel!!!) At any time of a year it can rain with only 5 minutes notice ... and trust me.. I will forget the washing outside even if it didn't and the birds from the Ash tree at the end of the garden will somehow end up SHITTING on it...

So it is radiators, stair gates and doors for the two days (And I refuse using a dryer because I reckon James contributes enough to the Carbon Emission problem by commuting to London twice a week by car!)... then it piles on the stairs for another ten days... CHAOS XD.

I wasn't complaining though. Today I re-watched THE 1900 HOUSE episode in which the two young girls had to take the day off school to help their mother on washing day. What takes 40 minutes by machine takes 12 HOURS with cutting edge turn of the 20th century technology and ends up with sore hands and very grumpy and bitter house-wife.

We are told that women accepted this better and they were probably more USED to it but I utterly refuse to accept that they didn't refuse their husbands sex for DAYS after laundry day ... No wonder women rights movements started to gain force just as laundry houses started to loose business because people were too scared they spread cholera and the like and started doing their own washing...

GODDESS BLESS THE WASHING MACHINE says I - the queen of over-burdening one's spinning drum! Somehow against all odds - this washing machine has lasted for over 5 years - it IS a record.

For entertainment between one load to the next I approached BODY LANGUAGE, a yaoi novel about romance and nipple tuning by Aki Morimoto, illustrated by Emoto Tsubaki.



As the machine churned away the first load I leaned against the kitchen table and introduced myself to the Uke Kanae - who despite being a virgin is being talked about throughout college as the resident bisexual slut. Two pretty for a boy and refusing to answer any questions about his sexuality he is labeled as the ice queen of the place and no one approaches him ... appart from his best friend soon to be his best Seme, Yuuichi - college jerk and all-round over sexed selfish womanizer and double dater... who has a problem. His bad reputation is so bad no girl will come within a mile radius of him and he has no options but considering boys.

Kanae is in love with him of course - he is a generic Uke, rude bastards draw him like moth to a flame. He also has Uke judgment and so he offers himself as a temporary vessel of sexual release to his best friend who naturally accepts.

5 pages in and we have a succession of sex scenes piled up with dirty talk to make your eyes pop out... or just laugh... thanks heaven the washing machine was on ... my roars of humour would have alerted neighborhood watch .

By midday the chibi fell asleep and I made myself a cup of tea, reading about the Seme boasting of his record of winning a bet with his friends for holding a record of coming 8 times in a row.

Before I loaded the machine a second time I simply had to pick up the phone and ask the Vulcan Mathematician what his record was. His assessment was: "YAOI MAKES YOU WEIRED!!!"

.........


TELL ME SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW THANKYOUVERYMUCH!!! ^^;;

Second load was marked by the Uke failing to win the fight against his nipples. All the Seme EVER has to do to get him to bend over and beg for mercy is breath on them and they instantly perk up into towers of red lust. Truly - I had more appreciation for the Seme now because he braved having his eyes gouged out by them every time he chose to take his Seme from the front.

Poor Uke studies has been taken a beating by nights of over smexing as Seme attempted to break his ejaculation record. He even sticks fingers in his Uke's butt when they are on a busy train just to make sure he rushes home to him immediately after class and impales himself on his cock at the first given opportunity.

By third laundry load sharing a bowl of Humus with the chibi - I hit angst summit. Uke, you see, is pretending not to love Seme because if Seme found out he is fucking him out of love he will run at the speed of light to the arms of another. You would think that with all the internal turmoil you would have a break in dirty talk and rear pounding but you would be WRONG.

The author SAID she tried to make this erotic ... I just didn't realize she forgot even people in YaoiLand need to eat and drink sometimes... Thank goodness the Seme has a penchant for a can of beer here and there because with all the shooting he does he would have shriveled as a prune...


There is not much to elaborate further. After bringing the bigger boy from school I had enough time to do some hand washing laundry and some sponging and steaming of dry clean only jackets (there is a neat trick to that... sometime we need to listen to our grandmother in order to save on dry cleaning bills ^^). And I finished the novel.

The inevetable GIRL stepped in to break the web of lies and deceit, jealousy pulls the plug and down came the gushing confessions of love... nothing to write home about... badly written and even worse translated purple prose and I was quite happy to reach for the next novel.

I didn't suffer as such but if I have badly presented trash I like it to involve something OTHER than college boys. This is a better variation of the High-School boys but they are still a tad too young for me. Also TOO lusty. I don't mind sex on every second page I just nod off when someone has a sex scene involving machine-gun ejaculations... also - I got dehydrated once - this triggers some serious phobias with me ¬_¬...

Also ... not a big fan of Emoto Tsubaki... her Ukes are too girly and vacant and juvenile looking for me... If she was doing Shoujo I would have probably loved her... but she does not fulfil my yaoi aesthetic and illustrations are quite a STRONG part of the yaoi novel appeal for me (HELL - I bought ALL the Ja Dou novels just for Mamiya Oki illustrations knowing well that I will NEVER be able to read them... I can't even read the MANGA... the Japanese in those defeated me so badly ;_;)... so I am a bit disappointed visually as well...

As selfish Seme goes this one was on the KIND side. Demanding but at least not a torturous bastard... I prefer torturous bastards. I like them downright EVIL. I like the love affair to be DISTURBING... this was pretty mild despite being swamped with smex.

A good accompaniment for the sound of the washing machine... clothes churning in the drum Seme churning in the Uke...

Life is good even if the literature you read to fill it with is bad XD.